It's no secret that my last few months have been challenging. It's also no secret that I've spent lots and lots of time praying. While I know that God always hears me, He doesn't always answer me...... at least not that I can tell. Every once in a while however, His response is crystal clear. Luckily, I "heard" Him loud and clear last night!
Yesterday, my spirit took a bit of a hit. A friend called and towards the end of our conversation, she shared a different conversation between someone at my former place of employment and herself. My friend wanted me to know that this other person had seriously lied about something and her lies were designed to make me look bad. Interestingly enough, my friend had been directly involved in the situation for over 2 years, so she knew the person was lying. She even told "her" that what she was saying wasn't true. It didn't matter. "She" kept repeating the lies. After my friend and I hung up, I lost it.....again. It felt like things were happening all over again. I guess it's a little like PTSD. I was feeling all of the same feelings again and struggling with "Is this ever going to end?" and "What am I doing?" and "Why is this still happening?" I never actually used the word "unfair", but if I'm completely honest, that was deep within the thoughts I did express. My friend even texted "You don't deserve this" a little later that afternoon.
After I cried for a little while, I put on my tennis shoes and took off on a long walk. God already knew how hurt I was, so instead of talking about that part, I chose to praise Him. I thanked Him for a friend that stood up in truth and for so many other things. I asked Him to keep guiding me along His path and to keep teaching me what He wanted me to learn. I asked for grace and I thanked Him for the grace He had already provided. Needless to say, I felt better by the time I got back home. Truthfully, I didn't feel "great" and I wasn't "over" what I had just learned, but I did feel better. I know that God promises to be with me no matter how I feel.
Normally, I read my devotion book and my Bible early in the day, but for "some reason", I waited until bedtime on this day. When I "happened" to open my book, look at what I saw....
"Do not expect to be treated fairly in this life. People will say and do hurtful things to you, things that you don't deserve. When someone mistreats you, try to view it as an opportunity to grow in grace. See how quickly you can forgive the one who has wounded you. Don't be concerned about setting the record straight. Instead of obsessing about other people's opinions of you, keep your focus on Me. Ultimately, it is MY view of you that counts." (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)
Wow!! That was written for ME!! I wholly and completely heard God tell me not to worry and obsess about what this person had said, but instead to focus on growing in Him. He knows and is working on things on my behalf. My job is to stay focused on Him!!! What a wonderful feeling!! I am blessed to be a Child of a Loving God!!!
- ▼ October (8)
- ► 2012 (39)