Saturday, October 19, 2013

Weight Watchers failure or "Does this medicine make my butt look big?"

I've struggled with weight and body issues for as long as I can remember. As almost every female, I relentlessly pick out all of my flaws.....especially the one's that are "too big" and "too small". I know you hear me!! Well, it's no secret that I have put on a lot of extra pounds during the past year. I hate it - I really do. I think it's a lethal casserole of: being in my mid-40's, loving sweets and carbs, being an emotional eater, and being diagnosed with fibromyalgia - meaning much less physical activity and starting medication.

It's weird....when I look in the mirror now, I do see someone heavier than she should be...but not someone who is obese. I don't "feel" as large as the numbers on the scale indicate. That is, until I focus in on the pooch under my belly button, the extra dimples in my be-donk-a-donk, and my arms that just waaaaaavveeee a little toooo long! Oh yeah...and who can't recognize that oh-so-fashionable feeling of literally not being able to wear your clothes!

I HAVE been making changes. I've been exercising several days a week. I walk, use some simple arm weights and do light yoga moves. I don't eat a lot of junk. We eat at home a lot more than we ever have. STILL.....the numbers on the scale keep going up. Yes, I can do more....guess it's time I get busy!!

Last night was the final episode of What Not to Wear. I loved this show!!! Stacy and Clinton always said what they thought and lots of people struggled with that, but ultimately, the participants' lives were changed. Stacy and Clinton always saw each woman as beautiful - no matter her shape and size. They didn't care if she had just gained or lost weight.....if she was 20 or 70.....if she was married or single. They (and Tim and Carmindy) saw each person as beautiful because of how she is on the inside. They helped her inner beauty shine through on the outside. That's what I want!!  I've been struggling with feeling "fat and ugly" for a while, now. (Yes, I'm smart enough to know that I'm not really 'fat' or 'ugly', and that those feelings most likely stem from how I left my job and the fact that I've been unemployed for so long. Having that 'head' knowledge doesn't automatically change my 'heart' feelings.)

So, I'm working on it. I'm taking an honest inventory of my closet and getting rid of things. I'm looking through lots of magazines and websites for more age-appropriate and size-appropriate clothing. As soon as I start back to work, I'm going shopping for some new basics that will fit and will allow me to look professional, while accommodating my fibro. (Actually, I will do that the day before I start working so I have something to wear that first day!! I will NOT be working at a nudist camp!!) I guess, I'm going to host my own What Not to Wear....... minus the $5,000 and the awful 360* mirror!!

Maybe this is all part of the healing process I'm supposed to be going through during this time???

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