Saturday, September 7, 2013

Life of "Leisure"

It seems like these last several months have FLOWN by. I have had a LOT going on.....I just haven't wanted to blog about it. The biggest news: I resigned from being a Preschool Director. I LOVED that job and it was unbelievably hard to go, but it was something that I had to do. The church I worked for decided to make some changes and I decided that I wasn't going to be a part of those changes. Trust me, I have LOTS to say about everything that happened, but I'm not. After weeks of crying, processing, and praying, I am going to use my blog to focus on more positive things. My heart does break when I think about not being at that little school and I grieve the loss of those day-to-day relationships. We were a family in the truest sense and I have a physical ache now that it has changed so significantly.

So, what am I doing now??

Praying! Healing! Resting! Thinking!

Gardening! Napping! Cleaning!

It has been an interesting adjustment being at home. For the first week, I could barely get out of bed. I was so upset and hurting so bad that the only time I would get up, was when one of the staff came to the house (which was a lot! No one could believe what was happening!) The second week, I started trying to tackle some projects around the house. My depression was in overdrive so it was hard for me to do anything at all. I struggled with a lot of guilt during those first few weeks. I just felt like I was supposed to be "doing something". I wasn't on "vacation", so I needed to be working on getting a job.

By the third week, I was feeling stronger. I would still cry easily, but I could actually think about something other than the preschool. The calls and visits from staff slowed way down and I spent more time working around the house.

I've now been out of work for 5 full weeks. It hasn't been easy, but it has been worthwhile. I believe that God gave me this time as a blessing - a gift. He is using this time to draw me closer to Him. ALL of the daily devotions I've been reading have been about Healing, Time, Rest, Patience, and Gaining strength in Him. I'm DEFINITELY not perfect and I still struggle with fully releasing everything. I KNOW that He wants me to live - and work - in peace, and He knows I haven't been for quite a while. Sure, I wonder sometimes if He is looking at our earthly calendar and the fact that I have to pay the monthly mortgage and we like to eat!! Even so, I know He has a plan for me. He is preparing me for the next phase in His plan and I am humbled. I am purposely trying to listen and rest during this time so I can be READY when He calls!

So, for now I will:

Praise God in the hallway

until the next door opens!

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